Energy Abounds

It is after seven o'clock on a Thursday evening, I have no homework and I am ridiculously bored. (Also wondering if I should have put the Oxford comma in that sentence.) I am sitting at my desk, trying to think of things to do:

1. I could play Resonance of Fate, or Final Fantasy XIII, or even Kingdom Hearts on one of my various game consoles. But I'm either (a) stuck or (b) sure to get bored within an hour.

2. I could read. There's a large pile of books surrounding my bed, including some good stuff like Black Heart by Holly Black and The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss, which I'm supposed to read anyway for book club. But I spend all my time reading ANYWAY, being an English major and all and turning about a book every three days.

3. Write. Already did some of that, and it was uninspiring. Also again, I spend most of my day writing anyways, since I'm specifically a Creative Writing major.

4. Go visit a friend, of which I'm sure I could wrangle up/lasso/hire. But I am feeling hermitish. I gnerally don't like hanging out with my friends, which is confusing because I like my friends. I just like being alone more.

So basically all I'm doing is sitting at my desk, drawing random doodles with a Sharpie on the calendar I have spread out to hide the ugly leather top (it's an ancient desk), and realizing that although I very much want to do SOMETHING, I have no real desire to INVEST in anything. I'm really just expending my energy into useless little things, like drawing with Sharpies, which give me some tiny little sense of instant gratification (and possibly also an inhalant high).

But part of the reason I don't think I've really written anything in about two years--and I mean written anything that could go into a novel, not just short stories or rants about Facebook or people at work which will never see the light of day--is that somehow I've made this shift to focusing on what I cna accomplish NOW, instead of actually putting an hour or two into something that will take a long time. I have all this restless energy and no motivation to get rid of it.

So I started a blog, like people have assumed I've had for years, as a bizarre way to motivate myself. Journaling is boring, but I figure since it'll look all cool and whatnot on the Internet, I might have fun posting. It'll just be a way for me to talk about what's bothering me and hopefully pep talk myself into actually doing something with my time, and not just wasting it drawing on things.

I really, really don't want to spend my life drawing on things, just because I'm too lazy to do anything else.